Ramblings Of A 21st Century Professional

By • May 19th, 2011 • Category: Suburbans

He is so insane that when he enters a maximum security facility, the death row inmates apply for bail and commit suicide from outside. He is so insane that the word ‘insane’ sued for sexual harassment when it was used on him. From the wacky chambers of the English alphabet, we bring you this week’s eighth suburban legend…

Tashobya Davis

 

I’m here at my usual place, in front of my computer, seated on my table and dozing as usual. I keep wondering when one of these so called employees is going to grow a pair (no offense but I don’t know what the ladies grow) and ask why on earth am always dozing at just 11 o’clock in the morning.

Maybe they are too afraid, may be they are surprised at my extravagant display of insanity. It is said that mental illness is characterized by any form of deviant behavior and that means behavior that is contrary to socially acceptable norms. What am I to do if sleeping while at work is my forte?

I can’t seem to find a cure for this malady. And don’t think I haven’t tried. I went to see the doctor, when this apparently embarrassing malaise attacked me in a bid to nip it in the bud. This was when I was but just 14 years of age, in the prime of my age considering current physical conditions. Can you imagine what the excuse of a medical practitioner told me?

Mbu, I’m reading too much and should go slow before I overtake Einstein or Carson. Should I mention that both these men were once the undisputed dwanzies of their respective classes, their genius notwithstanding? They were, what we would call in football terms, late bloomers. Maybe I’m a late bloomer myself.

If only I can wake up in time to bloom. I’m not really sure if he meant it in good faith because I was quite clear when I told him that I would love to read more often but every time I try to, I’m overcome by an overwhelming bout of sleep that I can’t control even with the help of water, coffee, tea or even well known barbiturates that can keep you awake for a week.

Dear reader, I want you to carefully read this and tell me what my fate could be in a fast paced, monetized, competitive world where people can get things done at the speed of light and go on to accomplish targets and goals like never before.

I think it would be in my best interests to retire young, sleep through my formative adult years and then marry a doctor who can medically declare that I suffer from irrepressible bouts of sleep that have left me in a comatose-like state for the rest of my life.

At least then I would be entitled to preferential treatment and since I happen to be the only one of six billion people with this condition, my wife would secure colossal amounts of money to do extensive research on my condition. We would take all expense paid trips to various institutions around the world; John’s Hopkins, UCLA, Yale maybe even Harvard as they try to run more tests on my brain.

We would never complain about her career getting in the way of our marriage ‘cause I would literally be her only patient. In monetary terms I would be the goose that lays our golden eggs and in that way ensure that my family is well catered for, for as long as I sleep…hmmm…talk about earning a living in the 21st century.

 

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  • Anonymous

     Yeah… about dozing off in the afternoon… I’m still afflicted too! Started in P.7. I remember desperately trying to hold on to the teacher’s voice as he droned on about something or another, and literally catching chalk with my open snoring mouth.

    Good luck! When you find the cure, email me!