World War I started because someone somewhere had uttered his name out loud. World War II started because someone somewhere had looked at him badly. The Cold War started because Uncle Sula had made a tasteless rolex for him. From the war zone of the English alphabet, we bring you this week’s fifth suburban legend…
Education is a part of the rat race! Most people think that the endless quest for money is all it is, money! But there are other things we live for, like the constant pursuit to broaden our knowledge, the curiosity to know more, which explains why an 87 year old man enrolled in a primary school somewhere in Kibaki land before he finally succumbed to that process no one is immune to – death!
However, he had such a blast while at it, that not only is he still featured in the Guinness book of world records, but he also got himself a ki-free world tour courtesy of some NGOs here and there, as long as he wore a primary school uniform while on his travels!
Some so-called LC1 chairperson here at the pearl is attempting to pull off this same stunt, only that he is 37 years old! Personally, I will enroll back to P1 when I hit 88. That way I can get a free world tour, that I have so far failed to save for, no, that I have failed to afford, plus I shall beat the 87 year old to the Guinness book!
The problem however is, how shall I pass those exams? I recently glanced at those exam papers and I figured I would fail them like an African government official on a corruption quiz! Here’s how I think that LC1 punk answered his questions:
Q: What is photosynthesis?
A: A process by which those chaps at megapix take a pic of your raggedy lookin self and remove all pimples and wrinkles and make you look ballistic, as if Halle Berry!
Q: What is BODMAS?
A: A porn movie, something like “Body of Lies” and “Body of Temptation”, but this one has only MASSIVE people!
Q: Why do photons have mass and proteins don’t?
A: Because photons are catholic and proteins are protestant! They have service instead!
Q: Name 3 components of blood?
A: Some red paint, probably from sadolin, water and salt!
Q: What are red blood cells?
A: It’s a collection of terrorists based in a certain location, like the Berlin al-qaeda cell, they usually like blood. It can also be a nice looking mobile phone that has a red blood colour, a “red blood cell”!
Q: How does a charcoal stove work?
A: I don’t know, I have the LG microwave to warm my food, bitch!
Q: Who is the president of Uganda?
A: Are u serious? The answer has been the same since UNEB was formed? Do u really need to know?
Q: Which is Uganda’s newest district?
A: The one with a chap that ate a rat!
Q: Who is the mufti of Uganda?
A: They are 2, which one?
Q: Who is the King of the Basoga?
A: They are 2, which one?
Q: How many cents make a shilling?
A: 50 cent!
Q: How many public holidays are in Uganda?
A: Depends on how many times the moon is full, and oh, even when a former president or a king dies!
Q: What is the use of the ears?
A: To tap phone calls for the security minister!
Q: What is the use of the skin?
A: To show it off and call yourselves “maisha dancers!”
Q: What is the use of the eyes?
A: To watch out for ghost voters, ghost pupils, ghost soldiers and look for ghost busters!
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