She is a samurai warrior who eats typewriters, spits Rotatrim papers and uses blackboards as toothpicks. From the deepest outskirts of the English alphabet, we bring you this week’s first suburban legend…
Trinidad dot Wolokoso
So much singing last week, dancing and merry-making with numerous crowd-pulling fetes to suit your choice.
Aside from the Thursday 12th hullabaloo, the week was also punctuated with one notorious sinner, Mr. Olara Otunnu finding redemption. Recently accused of serial church-hopping (possibly in search of the much elusive publicity), the renown church-hopper was eventually smoked out by the Arch Bishop at Rubaga Cathedral after he (Otunnu the thief-church-hopper) stole sips and bites of the sacred Holy Communion. “It’s not right for a non-believer like Otunnu to take part in such holy activity,” the bishop regretted. But Mr. Otunnu chuckled away, seemingly happy for the sips and bites he had stolen, and more so the mileage he had garnered thereof.
You would think he would stop there.
No. Mr. Otunnu’s sins were far from over. His next move was to defy police orders against unlawful ceremonies at the sacred City Square. The night before this plan was to be executed, Mr. Museveni laid out 5 deadly sins that fetched 6 months in jail without bail – this bill is among the top priorities for the new parliament. I assume Mr. Otunnu did not get this memo or he thought Mr. Museveni was joking altogether.
So he proceeded with his unlawful assembly, gathering with him fellow sinners for the march of the day.
This level sinning must have gone way beyond maximum temperatures and like St. Paul on the road to Damascus, it was time for Mr. Otunnu to see the light. His transformational baptism came from the ever-ready and all-generous police that literally washed him in the “blood”, the pink spray that is. The washing took place at the first-ever “National Cleansing Ceremony” on Kampala Road where non-believers (those who never believe in police orders against rioting and demos) were soaked in the pink cleansing liquid. And it was not a mere sprinkling of quarter a tumpeco of water. Eyewitnesses say it was a full tank shower to wash away any trace of iniquity in Mr. Otunnu.
Meanwhile in the background, voices of faithful believers were heard humming to the hymn… “Are you washed in the blood of the lamb? Are your garments spotless, are they white as snow? O be washed in the blood of the lamb…”
Well we can say that Otunnu enjoyed the washing, so much so that instead of grieving for his sins, he chuckled.
Of course this sounds as a warning to all the loose sinners out there. Don’t think that Otunnu’s glossy pink shower will always be the case; there’s plenty of police dye to colour your world. We’ve so far seen pink, blue and yellow; the rainbow has 7 primary colours from which numerous secondary colours can be extracted!
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