Many people have come to me and asked quite desolately, “But Mununuzi, how do I find the right person to love?” and “Oh mighty Mununuzi, how do I get over this heartbreak of mine?” Those are questions that can easily be blamed on bogus government policies. Just walk to work.
But then someone asked a question that got me to stop what I was doing to the irreparably disfigured piece of chicken in front of me, put on a sad face and wonder just how much pain this person had to endure. “But you,” she pleaded. “How do you be so stupid?”
Many take the gift of stupidity for granted but it’s not as easy to achieve as many would think. Imagine you walked up to someone who had gone through so many years of relentless training in the art of stupidity and you told them “Hey, that was quite clever”. How do you think they’d feel? How do you think Kirunda Kivejinja would feel?
It’s insulting and, quite frankly, inhumane to see someone try to put their lack of common sense in action only for you to tell them sorry, but you’re actually intelligent. Shame on you, NRM. So you can only imagine how elated I was when this girl acknowledged my efforts.
But then sadness quickly took over when I realized how much she must want to be like me. She had probably tried so hard, she hated herself even. And so, like a true warrior, I rose to defend my honour. I came here to tutor ye cheerless soldiers of intellect in the art of stupidity in three simple steps.