Monday Massacres: Bring that Brother’s money home

By • May 2nd, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

The Big Brother Africa housemates were ushered into what is going to be home for some for quite a while. And for others for only a few days. But why should you be kicked out of the house after only a few days? Yet you told Masitula that you’d be gone for many months. Yet you shared a tearful goodbye with your friend Katende. Yet you packed clothes that should have taken you through many weeks. Here are some tips to get help you bring the money home.

The  housemates love flowery stories. Tell them about all your past relationships. And use actions. Tell them you were once at a girl’s home when her ex, who happened to have been in the military and who had gone partially deaf from leading a rogue click of soldiers through Vietnam, attacked you. And you pummeled him till he screamed like a little girl. And he agreed to write a note saying “You rock!”. Show them the note.

Get an accent. This is only too obvious since these are handed out at the BBA door as you enter the house. So the tip should be ‘Use the accent’.

Talk about how you are a big star back home. And tell the other housemates how much money you have. Add ‘million dollars’ to whatever figure you had in mind.  Name some people who owe you money.

Sing in the shower. But don’t just sing without considering the other housemates. Always get their song requests before going into the shower and sing only those songs.


"And IIIIIIIIIIIIII, will always love yoooouuuuwhhoooo"

Wake everyone up for a morning jog. Always do this by whispering “wakey wakey” in their ear. If it is someone of the opposite sex, throw in a small complimentary ear nibble. “Wakey (nibble) wakey”

Remind everyone how much you are better than them at everything. If say you find housemate X drinking Coke, tell them “I can drink Coke better than you!” then go on and bring out a bigger coke and drink all of it. If you find someone showering, shout “I can shower better than you!” and go on to show them wasap.

Always send greetings. Whatever you do, send greetings. What else are you on TV for? Send greetings. To your mum. Dad. To people who owe you money (insert names). To people who bullied you way back when you were not on TV.  To workmates who spoke behind your back. To that conductor who didn’t give you back your change. To those girls who turned you down at Fat Boys (Insert names. Where you cannot, describe them)


Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • Proudly Twino Pattie

    sleek you just nailed it only that the tips came in late…..

    • Sleek

      Twino, not all is lost. Big Brother has a ‘Dance the internets’ challenge that will have housemates scrounging the net for survival tips. Also, housemates will be asked to write a story beginning “If I were a mongoose in the amazon i would…” Keep watching

  • MissAkiiki

     Send a shout out to the Vietnam that wrote you a note. He’d be very appreciative. And Masitula. She’s out there waiting.