Who And What Is The Royal Wedding?

By • Apr 27th, 2011 • Category: Features, WTH

Meanwhile in the United Kingdom of Great Britain, the nation that created Uganda, they are gearing up for a great event: a royal wedding between the Prince and his betrothed.  It’s causing a lot of excitement up there and this event shall be part of the news for a while to come. It’s even bigger than Straka and Sizza.

Sizza (left) Straka (everywhere else)

We have compiled a quick guide to the Royal British wedding so that you can be equipped with all the basic facts you need to not feel left out of any conversation about the royal wedding.

This is a story all about how…

The two principal characters in this drama are the Fresh Prince of Britain, Prince William Smith, who is now better known as an actor. He claims He Is Legend, (swaggerjacker!) and though he is known for his appeal to youth markets, the former rapper is actually 42 years old at the time of this writing.

He is scheduled to marry a British woman named Kate. There are two British women named Kate, as far as we can surmise. Kate Winslet is one of them. This one acts in such films as Sense and Sensibility and Iris and gets Oscar nominations. The other, Kate Bekinsdale, was in Underworld and kicked ass. We recommend that Will marries Bekinsdale, because she is more entertaining.


Do you take this woman…

The cost of the Royal Wedding is estimated to be 434billion dollars (or, as they are known in Britain, “pounds”) and some critics have asked why the government is spending so much money on a mere wedding when there are third world countries that could put that money to better use buying jets.

The wedding will take place on Friday. This has led many to believe that the couple are Muslim. It has not been proven, but is highly likely, according to research. Britain’s churches are struggling with declining attendance figures and even the Church of England complains that the number of Christians is dwindling. All this seems to agree with the proposition that the couple are of the Islam faith.

The purpose of marriage according to British traditions and customs is to validate boning. Any and all sex that occurs outside the prescriptions of legal matrimony is unlawful and if you are caught in this act you can be brought up on charges which, according to apocryphal internet legend, are read as “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge”, often abbreviated.


Will and Kate are therefore applying for a license to copulate with one another with the permission of the breadth of British society. We wish them well and hope that Kate can handle. I have heard that William can be very, well, “imaginative” and “demanding” and that though he likes the woman on top, he also likes to be in control and may call out some obscene names during intercourse. (Source: Nikki Minaj sex-tape)

Don’t send this as a wedding present. Will already has several pairs

How does this affect the price of bread? The truth is, it doesn’t. But it does allow biscuit makers to mark up the cost of a tin of shortbread by labeling the shit “Commemorative Royal Wedding Biscuit” as opposed to “Regular biscuits”. When Sangalyambogo gets married you watch and  you will see rise in food prices when I start selling “commemorative royal wedding” sticks of kibuga at 3,800 shillings each.

When Nvannungi gets married, however, that might lead to deflation.









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  • http://twitter.com/mumakeith Mark Keith Muhumuza

    “Nasese ne Mpogaana” (NNM) meaning Lol
    But Kate Winslet would be better suited for princess…. Telling by the movie Sense and Sensibility and ofcourse not Titanic.

  • Nhalyma

    sorry !!!!!!!!!! kate

  • Thembo

    Congs princess, Royals should always be examples of culture. It is good practice to have girls officially married as oppsed to eloping. Official marriage gives pride and honour to the parents and the society.