So when I woke up this morning, the gossip in town was Kayihura had fired inspector Alphonse Mutabazi for ingeniously averting violence when he escorted brother Otunnu to work. I immediately rushed to the crime scene in Kayihura’s office and found a pen, a paper, a signature, a mobile phone, and a frown on Kayihura’s face, the weapons used to commit the heinous crime.
Slowly, I sat down next to him while he asked for help on how to chop up the body and bury it before the police found out. Then we started the friendly jabber.
Media boss ULK: Kale, how are you bambi?
Police boss KK: Did you walk here?
ULK: No. The driver dropped me.
KK: Did the driver walk here?
ULK: Yeah. We carried the car on our backs.
ULK: Dude, I’m being sarcastic.
KK: Does it involve walking?
ULK: So I heard you fired Afande Alphonse? What about?
KK: Yes. It is illegal to escort your friend to work. We can tolerate any other crime but not that one. That was way out of line.
ULK: But people would have stoned him if he had stopped his friend Otunnu from walking. And you’re the one who called him to thank him for preventing the stoning. We even thought you were going to promote him to maybe sergeant major general policeman or give him one of those useless plastic gold medals.
KK: Anti at first I thought he had killed the stone people. That would have been okay. It’s our job. But walking with another person? Who is also walking? Am sure even the ICC is looking into the matter.
ULK: But Kayihura.
ULK: The man avoided violence. I thought that’s what counts.
KK: Are you a policeman?
ULK: Eew! No! I have a brain.
KK: Then you won’t understand these things. But there are very many other good things I’ve done if you want. Like shooting…
At this point a traffic officer crawls in panting
Traffic guy: Sir!
KK: Yes afande. What’s right?
TG: There’s too much peace going on at City Square right now sir. What should we do?
KK: What! Assemble the nearest unit right away! Use all possible means to…
TG: You mean teargas?
KK: Yes. Use all possible teargas to disperse the peace immediately!
TG: Yes boss.
KK: Okay, please excuse me. I need to update the big man…hey! Don’t walk out! Use the wheelchair.