It’s the Urban Legend 12-Step Guide To Success in Absolutely Anything. Today we are going to teach you how to Rock A Suit.
A suit is a garment that is worn by men to make them look intimidating, suave, wealthy, mature, elegant, powerful and very much like James Bond. It is modern civilization’s greatest achievement because it completely obliterates all the crap nature does to a body. You may be too short, too fat, too skinny, but if you have the right suit, it won’t matter. Everyone looks good in a suit. Alan Shore, Jack Donaghey, Joe Biden… all these men are actually doughy, flabby, old and their bodies in any other attire would resemble a life-sized plastic bag filled with bushera and wrapped up in bits of miscellaneous fabric. But a suit shows up and ta-da.
You want to get a suit.
- First step, lose the gym membership. You don’t need to keep fit any more. You have just found a way to look awesome without exercise.
- Use the money you save from the gym to buy a suit. But in case you didn’t notice, commodity prices are rising. My awareness of this was raised yesterday when Besigye was kind enough to demonstrate it. Unfortunately he was arrested before he could actually tell us how to solve the problem. so they are still high. Your suit is going to be expensive.
- There are cheap suits available in certain places, but seriously, no. Suits are like political opposition. They come in two types. Either very good, or completely useless. If you have great opposition, they can save your life. If you have crap opposition, you are better off without. The same thing with a suit.
- Walk to work until world oil prices stabilize or until you have saved enough money to buy a nice suit. One will happen before the other.
- When you have saved enough, walk to a nice tailor. Yes, the suit will have to be tailored. I don’t know how much it will cost, unfortunately, because I’ve never bought a suit. I’m quite comfortable being disheveled and unkempt. I don’t need to wear a suit. I’m sexy enough because I write for Urban Legend. But one thing I do know is that it will be more expensive than it is now due to rising costs.
- So, walk some more so you can save more money.
- When you have finally amassed enough, you can go to the tailor and have him measure you. Now, all this walking will have either made you very fit and muscular, and you will now have a great physique which will enable you to really rock this suit…
- Or it will have made you very skinny. In which case the tailor will have to work extra hard. Maybe you should try to put on some weight. One way to do this is stop exercising. So get your car and drive to work.
- Drive more, until you are fat again.
- Then go back to the tailor. Unfortunately, by now the suit has become more expensive due to inflation. You know what you have to do.
- Walk more.
- By this time, the factors that led to rising fuel, food and commodity prices will have been addressed. Inflation will have been reversed inflation and that will bring prices down so that petrol is 20sh a litre. I mean, I really believe this walking shit is going to solve everything. You watch and see.