We had elections on February 18th. We covered them here, CNN style. There’ll be a swearing-in ceremony on May 12th. This is where the president-elect goes up onto a podium and is handed a mic. He then proceeds to fight every temptation to say, “You want another lwap”. He instead says “…and I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky (turning eyes to the heavens, pointing at the sky), I’ll be there …”
Word has it that this ceremony is going to set us back UGX 30 Billion. That’s roughly 14 million dollars. Investigations into the reason the figure is so high were in order. This is what I uncovered. Private eye Sleek at your service.
E.T is sending the president-elect a congratulatory message
You may remember him from a movie named after him. He is pictured below with the late MJ.
E.T is a badass alien who starred in a movie long ago, when movie actors used to do their own special effects; battle cries, nude scenes, kissing, eating, name it. At the end of the movie, ET went back to where aliens come from. No, not Sebbagala’s home. Outside space. That’s where aliens come from.
ET has a congratulatory message for the (new) man in office. But since he is in outside space, a huge chunk of the 14 million dollars has to go into setting up the connection. Orange seems to be the only network with enough signal strength to do the connection. My snoop told me that ET was not just there chilling all these years. He was hard at work, so now he has some kids running around. The kids will want to say something to the president-elect too. So it will be a fairly long call. ED: Long phone call.
Budget cover: 3million dollars
Chinese belly dancers
You may know the Chinese for having slit eyes and kicking ass. And also for that phone you are holding. Or the shoes you are wearing. Or…well, you know the Chinese. What you may not know is that they have a troupe of elite belly dancers that grace only select events. Sometimes they get invites and they collectively say “mmmhhhh” and turn up their noses. That means they will not go for the event. They did not do this for the swearing-in ceremony.
From the 2 people I know who have attended a ceremony at which these awesome creatures have performed, word has that the girls come in wearing shades. They then form a queue, as though waiting for food rations. Then, starting with the creature at the front of the line, they remove the shades one by one, while chanting some awesome Chinese saying. A few back flips and round kicks later, they start the belly dancing. It is awesome stuff.
Budget cover: 2.4million dollars
Awesome guest list
The people going to be in attendance will make you want to quit your day job and go gape.
Tevin Campbell. Naughty by Nature. Ginuwine. Brian Mcknight. Sengendo. Deborah Cox .Monica . Jagged Edge. Names that make you want to grab your buddy by his shoulders and scream “OMG OMG, do you know who will be there!!!???”
Budget cover: (to set up VIP seats and snacks) 1.6 million dollars
This guy will be in the audience. He will have a crystal ball. His primary purpose will be to point out people with nugu. You know, jealous people. And when he points you out, they’ll set the sniffer dogs on you. You heard it here first, stand warned. Or go with your running shoes.
Budget cover: 0.4 million dollars