It’s Wednesday and you know what that means. Yes. Your routine colonoscopy. But for the rest of us who do not have polyps in their duodenum due to smoking shisha pipes from the wrong end, Wednesday means the start of the week’s offerings of that gripping and addictive locally-made college life soap opera, The Hostel.
Now, to help you prepare, we have a short recap of what has happened so far: Previously on The Hostel. (And good luck with the polyps, Steve.)
Hope, aka Hot Hope, aka Hot Saved Hope, aka the cute chick whose arsenal of acting skills so far as we have seen consists of one mood only (being quite disapproving and suspicious while, of course, being hot) was caught in the midst of one of the finest displays of playahating televised in Uganda since Besigye got Winnie. One Brother Limpid has been nursing impure thoughts towards Sister Hot Hope, but he cannot tell her what is in his heart (or other organs) so all he does is pretend he is going over for bible study. Meanwhile there is another savedee, Brother Barney Stinson, who has no such compunctions. He even wears a beret. What is going on now is not the two fighting over Hope, unless you can call Tyson and Steve Urkel in a ring together fighting. Tune in to see if Stinson will officially Finish Him tonight.
Odoch and the unkindest cut of all. The dude got himself circumcised because Kitty, the miscellaneous chick who is not a repugnant gorgon, had quite pointedly suggested to him that if he did, she might on him some. This show is an open window to the mating rituals of the Ugandan university student. This is how they reproduce. Tune in to find out if the wounds are healed and if there is a love scene tonight. This show is age restricted.
Jessica the Evillest Heiffer Ever had a bad week. After scheming and plotting to steal that Johnny Bravo looking, bike-riding, smug beaming, devil goateed … yes, some of that is nuggu… jerk Gilo, she finally got him. It was quite something. Evil Jessica walks up to him and suggests more making out. Bravo pretends to be morally upstanding and says he will not cheat on his girl… any more. But Evil Jessica says she’s no longer his girl, having dumped him due to his philandering with her. Bravo, being the man that he is, responds by taking her into his house and copulating. It was almost sad when she returned to the home to litter his house with teddy bears and was told, so coldly, that she was not his new babe, she was just a fling.
Tune in to see if the vengeance of the Lord does not send them both bolts of lightning tonight.
Then there is Bianca, the most annoying event on the news, surpassing even Calvin De Entertainer. Bianca is Patra’s little sister. It’s always funny when the little sister is bigger than the big sister, but that’s as funny as it gets. I can see her story arc. She’s pregnant now. She’s going to die of abortion complications. Tune in toni.. in fact, don’t tune in tonight. You might see her. She’s very annoying.