This is for you the soccer enthusiast. You who spends nights in pubs arguing passionately about the outcome of the last game your team played in, knowing very well that the outcome of your argument will without a doubt affect the next match your team will feature in. I did some heavy research about your team, Blackburn rovers. Yes yes, I can see you light up just at the mention of the name. So yes, I did the research. For the uninitiated, Blackburn Rovers Football Club is a professional English Football league club. The team currently competes in the Premier League, the top tier of English football.
Back to you enthusiast. You without doubt know that late last year, your team was bought by Venky’s (India) Limited. Heavy research revealed that Venky’s (India) Limited is a subsidiary of V H Group, an Indian company that specializes in chicken meat processing. The company deals in chicken. So how did they get enough dime to walk into England and buy a soccer club? I’ll tell you…it is their chicken. Here’s is the truth behind their chicken, and why the company is so rich:
Their chicken stars in movies
Venky’s chicken is the stuff that powers Hollywood. From the stars who dangle their babies off balconies, to those who suddenly go bald, to those who now make sucky sucky ssuuuckky movies, to those who like to pop gnuts with their champagne…they all say great things about Venkys Chicken.
James Bond (not real name): In ‘Tomorrow never dies’, there’s this scene where I was supposed to hurl a screaming chicken at one of the villains. So mid-swing-getting-ready-to-hurl, the chicken turns to me and says, “Nice abs.” hahahaha. I died. That chicken rocks
Britney Spears (on her comeback album): So I’m singing this awesome new song of mine called “I’m messed up but I kick ass. This is an oxymoron, moron”. So I’m singing the song and suddenly a chicken walks into the studio and says, rather clucks to me, “Cock-a-doodle.” So I kept repeating that phrase. Until it hit me. That’s my calling in life. To cork a doodle. Where doodles are fake people. I need to cork them. To bring them to the light. (sigh) Those chicken rock.
Jackie Chan: hai hou heiii hangi tola faso, mashoso.
(From Google translator-Thanks Google) That chicken right there (pointing with his leg), it rocks so much that if they gave it a guitar, it’d bring down the house. I fondly love that chicken. Have you seen the tai-chi moves that poultry is capable of? Mean things I tell you, mean things I tell you
John Rembo (not real name): Have you heard the ‘why did the chicken cross the road’ joke? Pure gold. Haha. Pure gold. But come to think of it, why did it? Think about it mehn. There sits a chicken, eating pebbles, maggots and insects. Then suddenly a thought hits it, “Cross the road. Cross the road.” And it brushes the thought aside. But the thought persists. And becomes vulgar. “cross the f** road mehn”. Brushes it aside. But it resurfaces, as all thoughts do. This time playing the gender card. “Be a man. Cross the road.” Brushes it aside. Then finally, a last thought runs through. One so strong, the chicken crosses. All this begs the question, “Why? Why? “ Venkys chicken rock.