Alan “Tailored Shoots” Kasujja, the Host of this show, steps to the screen like Don Cornelius, who people of our age group should know is the host of Soul Train.
It’s Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Lets recap this here.
The thing is I never liked any of my teachers. Ever. So when the contestant who comes on, Moses from Iganga, shows up, I can’t root for this guy.
Cos he looks like a teacher. I mean, he’s not, but he has the morphology of teachers, the facial construction. There is someone somewhere who resembles him who canes little kids. I’m just saying. It’s not his fault, but I want him to fail.
And baby class deals him a roundhouse to the face: he has to call up 50-50 for the very first question. He wasn’t sure what “lean” means.
I had a teacher who liked to say “bend sideways”. I hahad.
Moses looks like he is drawing the answer from the depths of his duodenum. The look on his face says he’s clenching his bums to squeeze the answers up to his head. He was on his final lifeline calling his buddy Christopher, who sounded as befuddled and distressed as clenchy as him, when asked what the place where the pilots be is called: Is it a cabin, a starboard, a foreclosure or a thingy…what’s that word again? A nankani.
We returned from commercials for Lord Allan Kasugar to deliver the verdict. Moses is fired. Five hundred thou and go and find an aeroplane and look at it and if you see a cabin on that mofo come back and we’ll add you more.
The Second victim was one Justus who looks like Tweetybird in a leather jacket. It’s not a physical resemblene. It’s metaphorical one. I swear Alan needs to get guests who don’t look like they can fit in his pocket.
One of the questions is: In which of these can a person swim? Cup basin pool or bottle. Justus can probably swim in an Alan-sized bbafu…
He gets to 500,000 with the blasphemous assertion that life on earth is powered by the sun. We all know life is powered by LOVE. Love is what makes the world go round!
Well, that’s what you get for spewing such: you get struck by craziness. The contestant loses his mind and after calling a useless friend to find out how the similie “as like as” ends and, being told zilch, he guesses that the answer is C: Sisters, and then he asks Alan if he is sisters. No, that’s not a typo. He looks up at Alan and asks, “Are you sisters?”
For the record the answer is No. Alan Kasujja is NOT sisters.
We cut to a commercial during which, I presume, the studio medic arrives to administer antipsychotics.
Justus went back to his motorbike with 500k and who’s up next? A bartender. Shouts out to Normzo, Jny23 and… HOLY SHIT! Is this guy going to actually be the first person to go home with NATHING after he begins to guess Mason as the name of a person who makes clothes? Well, Don Kasujjius eggs him to try a 50-50 and, with the term “Mason” out of the way, he stumbles and accidentally falls on the right answer. Phewks.
He phones a friend when asked which of a list of four objects, only one of which is an insect, is the correct answer to the question “which of these is an insect with four wings?” If this guy makes more that 500k, Justus and Moses should find him in the corner and mug him.
Meanwhile, the guy he called was cut off just as he was saying it was Kettle, so Noah uses the audience to get the answer right and then grins with confidence he has finally achieved and tells us that it’s a cocktail and not a “ponytail” or a “foxtail” or a “Najjera prostitute” which is a drink.
Noah wears a “don’t patronise me” look on his face when he gets correct answers, as if he has completely forgotten how abysmally bollocks his performance has been so far.
Which of these is the larges classification of living things? Kingdom? Phylum, Family or Genus? And Noah decides that he can’t guess whether the cat family is bigger than the animal kingdom, or the genus lepidae is smaller… okay, I’m just showing off now. He calls it quits and takes his 1.5m which I hope Justus and Moses are waiting in a dark alley outsides.