I was at an MC battle last Friday. Yes, here in KLA. A real MC battle. Those things you saw in that movie 8-mile. Where rappers are on stage saying bad things about each other. Even that movie of Notorious had those things.
So we were in this dingy room, all 500 of us, craning our necks to catch a glimpse of the source of verbal annihilation. And MC after MC took to the floor to get his…and give some.
Rapper 1(throws off hood):
You, you’re fake,
You should be thrown in a lake
In fact, you stink
You head looks like a domestic sink
(My bad. The guy was too fast. )
So battle after battle, the MCs took to stage and spewed some really creative insults. And some really well-writ praises of self. The editor refused me to type them. The insults that is.
The guys all had these fancy names straight out of a hip-hop movie. Llyboc, L.Bizzie, Gita Santana (who I kept expecting to pull a guitar out of his pocket and belt out ‘Maria Maria’. He let me down. He should change his name), Allan…ok, there were some normal names.
When on stage, they’d stare their opponent straight in the eyeball and then proceed to say some really flowery things. But at the end of the day, the final battle was between Big Tril and L.Bizzie. The former did something no other MC had done that evening; he went native and threw some vernacular in there. And we all know how insulting ‘You are a useless wart only good to look at lying next to a used condom in a dark alley’ sounds in vernacular.
He, Big Tril, was immediately declared winner. And one of the judges, swanky-necklace-wearing Atlas Da African, was called to battle him.
And here the story begins.
Atlas Da African: I can’t battle Big Tril….I’ll only battle BADWORD (rhymes with teach)-ass niggers like Navio
(Crowd suddenly goes silent. Kalumba swallows the last sip of his drink. We hear him. Jason asks for directions to the loos. We hear him. King asks for a drink on the house. We hear him)
Kick-ass-tot’lly-in-control MC Kim of Hat 100 recovers before everyone. She somersaults towards Atlas and grabs the mic. She then says some cool things I cannot remember. So there we were, all excited at the Atlas Da African – Navio beef. Yay! Finally we have some local hip-hop beef to chew on.
(The rest of this entry was pieced together from eye witness accounts)
Atlas goes to Rouge. Navio is at Rouge. Navio’s posse gets wind of what went down at the MC battle. Navio hesitantly puts his coffee spirit down and walks up to Atlas Da African.
Navio: All I wanna know is what you want from me
Atlas: Step pon de floor…
Atlas: (blank look)
(Blows, kicks, froth, a few rap lines, more blows, nigger you dead nigger you dead!, one more blow, hair tugging, a shrill scream)
Then rouge bouncers come in and stop the fun. Word has it that both camps are stocking up on water guns. We may have a drive-by soon. This time get yer umbrellas fer real.