Sorry, there’s some stuff missing in this recap, my machine was taking its sweet time about coming on…actually, in that regard, it’s a lot like the show. Also, Baz couldn’t make it today because Umeme doesn’t like black people.
So we go through the usual routine. Allan goes through fastest finger fast (falalala) and reveals that the contestants are cultivated from all over Uganda. Even Muyenga. And yes, I said cultivated.Some dude called Philip has eager fingers and is invited to join Goliath on the hot seat. Dun dun dunnnnn.
Allan (formerly known as Goliath) takes us through Philip’s CV and throws a curve ball that sees us meeting Philip’s wife. Then Allan hates on Buddo, but not before showing that he knows what he talking about, naming a couple of houses…and suddenly I get what people mean they were in Australia for years and have nothing to show for it…even an accent.
Allan says something about a trozzer being an item of clothing; I think it’s a trick question.
Whoa, we are breezing through the first round… hang on, they just sugeested that spiders build webs to catch balls… whoa!
No,Philip is also not wasting any time, it’s like the sponsor is in a hurry, where are they going? Court?
Did we just finish the first round with no commercials?
For what it’s worth, there’s nothing wrong with saying breaststroke and butterfly are dancing styles… and Allan just talked about balls…and then went on to say that he finds Philip interesting… and well, Allan brought his valentine’s suit.
Philip is talking about inmates in Luzira being mostly there for rape and defilement. There’s a guy in the audience that is actually intrigued.
There’s a question about what you find in a car; dashboard, slashboard, comaboard, exclamationboard…yes, coma! What the hell show, get your spellings right!
Oh, wait, I get it, those are bu-punctuation thingies. Naye show!
Philip is doing well, but of course the questions have been featured on Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader’s lunchbox.
Okay then. We are at that point in the show where the contestant goes suicidal and places his fate in the hands of the audience. Only thing is, the audience today has actually been smart.
The Giant takes us into suspense mode…. The show’s drummer is on a roll, no wait, that’s Philip’s palpitating heart… and…
Oh look, the return of Oulanyah.
Allan says Philip is interested in women’s issues…and then looks at him and says he has something to give him. What is it, a bra?
No! Creepy Allan has struck again and has come into possession of Philip’s photo. Sneaky sneaky!!
WTF… Thunderbirds reside at Kyadondo?! Who are they? What are they?
Ah crap, fastest finger fast. Come on Muyenga, represent!! Oh DANG! Shapes. How do you tell someone to arrange stuff like that?
Okay, Catherine is up. She is a computer science student and Allan asks what that involves… methinks, computers maybe, but then again, those who can’t do, ask.
Catherine expects to win 25 million shillings. Oh you optimisitic scientists and your crazy theories.
Allan takes our contestant through the rules and all the while she seems to be thinking, “Oh look, touchscreen”.
There’s a chic that looks sleepy… it’s a studio look, then?
Which is a shopping mall, flower city? Where are they pulling these questions out of, a bag of stupid? Catherine from Muyenga observes that fishing is definitely not a casino activity. Haha, she’s got jokes, but the chic behind her doesn’t think so. She just wants to go and shack up with a cup of coffee…
Bambi, Catherine says she has never held 500k. Well, certainly seems she chose the right course to stick in that rut.
The girl behind her is trying to Incept Catherine. I don’t know what I find scary, the fact that I believe that or the realization that INCEPT is an actual word. Oh, and Catherine is from Muyenga… and has 700,000shs. When she had 500k she said she would give some to Charity… is that her brother’s name?
Allan is asking how Catherine from Muyenga knows Victoria Beckham. And she talks about the public’s eyes. Curiously, she is not talking about the girl behind her.
Copper is still Zambia’s chief export, seriously? Hold the thought, Catherine from Muyenga thinks its diamonds, but she would like to call a friend. She says she will call Philip, for accuracy’s sake, I’m hoping Philip is still in primary school, those questions won’t feature anywhere past PLE.
Catherine says she remembers seeing a movie about these things…
But people who say dia-munds…
Catherine, still from Muyenga, places her fate in the hands of the dodgy audience. I’m sorry, but I just don’t trust people in the audience to be looking out for me. Heck, I wouldn’t even trust the guy I call up not to say, “but how much will you give me”
Catherine of Muyenga looks poised to take home 3.5m no matter what happens. Unless, of course, Allan stares her down and says, “double or nothing”.
Catherine from Muyenga says something about a coptic church in Egypt… isn’t coptic the politically correct word for a private part?
She flunks and Allan hands her a cheque from the Bank of Uganda Telecom… and introduces the audience to a new word which though fancy is just his way of saying this is the…