Kampala Mayor: The Con Is On

By • Mar 2nd, 2011 • Category: WTH

uuagkallniekba. Did you get confused? Coz I was confused. I am confused. Are you confused right now? Because you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, right? Well, good. Now you get how I feel about the mayoral elections saga.

Basically, the official story we got was Mr. Perer Vampire Sematimba rigged by stuffing the ballot boxes with over 400 ballot papers pre-ticked in his favour. At least that’s what Erias Elyas Lukwago told us. Mbu eera Perer hired other vampires (these ones were day walkers) to beat up Elyas’ supporters.

At this point you’d think, heck, I’ve put together all pieces of the puzzle. My money. But then the microphones shifted to Perer and guess what? Guess what? Matter of fact, first extend your chair this side. I don’t want you to miss this.

Get this. Perer said it was Elyas who had hustled the media into thinking Perer had cheated. Nti Elyas is the one who wore a ninja suit, entered the EC offices late in the night, beat up Badru badly (Hehe. Badru badly), stole the boxes, stuffed them to death and delivered them to the rendezvous point. Then he called the media and shouted “Look! Loooook! Sematimba of NRM has stolen votes!” but it was only blackmail. That’s what Perer said.

Wait, there’s more. Nti it wasn’t Perer’s vampire camp that beat up Elyas’ supporters. It was actually Elyas who got into secret talks with his werewolf independent DP camp and plotted to beat up his own supporters then blame it on Perer’s apparently innocent vampire camp just so the electorate could hate Perer even more.

Vampire basically cast his buddy in an episode of that British con series Hustle. Have you seen it?

Funny thing is the show’s producers and screen writers-the ones you call Electoral Commission-didn’t say anything about it except that the next episode would be aired on 14th March. Aren’t they supposed to do a little more than that? Well, I don’t care. They just gave me another public holiday. Me I’ll vote for the mayor with the best professional stealing strategy. You heard that, Vampire and Werewolf? I now cast myself as Bella. Impress me.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people