Previously on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Prisca, a diminutive linguist from Lira, is back to snatch money from Alan Kasujja. But first she must answer his cunning riddles.
Baby Class questions were as easy as we have come to expect. Easy as pie. I wouldn’t be surprised if a question like this appears one day:
Where does one take a dump? a) In a properly equipped lavatory. b) In the office c) in a taxi d) on Kizza Besigye’s big head.
As she ballet-danced through to one million shillings we were able to notice how Kenyan her accent was. Now, this is not in itself such a terrible thing. Some of my best friends have Kenyan accents. It’s just that it suggests certain things about a person’s upbringing, you know, calls certain aspects of it to question.
Like, for example, we begin to suspect that she wasn’t here when certain things were happening. When Ka-Suge (I thought I had run out of nicknames) asked her who Uganda’s first female Vice President was.
The suspense music chimed and boomed and echoed like it was coming to life.
And we knew then that Prisca wasn’t from around these ends.
Well, she used a lifeline. Her second. Si she wasted one last week? (“Si” is what people with Kenyan accents say instead of “anti”) The fifty fifty helped her correctly identify the first female Veep of Uganda as Sensational Spe, and with that she leapt out of the frying pan and right into the fire.
For the next question was: Which waterfalls are also known as Kabalega Falls?
Kenyans don’t know this shit.
So Prisca had to use up her last lifeline. To be fair it was a good one. She called a friend who I think was named “Duke” and even before she read the options he had told her. It’s Murchinson. He pronounced it “Murshon” the way Ugandans do, so it shows that Prisca has Ugandan friends. She’s assimilating.
The worst seemed to be over. From then on it was easy convo, including Kasugar asking what is and finally letting me know how to pronounce “Haute Couture”. The linguist had to think about it. Alan tried to help by speaking a little bit of the French he knows. “Voulez vous couche avec moi?” he asked.
She might have reached over to slap him, but well, to reach Alan’s face to slap him you need to make the trip in like a vehicle or something.
The next question was: On which continent was the cocoa seed first used to make a beverage?
I know, right?
At this point Prisca was 2.5 million shillings in. She had no lifelines left. Add to this the fact that she is evidently a smart woman. She therefore opted to take the money and let the question go voulez vou couchez itself. She descended from the chair to applause.
Our next contestant was Nyote from Mbale. I will let Twitter-user @malonebarry introduce him to you.
He sells ice cream for a living. It seems unfair to call it Baby Class when we just saw him look like a foetus next to Kasujja, so let’s just say he did his best to try to look like he was thinking hard during the easy questions, and did not shirk when Alan asked him about his circumcision.
However, he did not see this coming: Before he got to his 500,000 it was blam! In what month was King Oyo born?!
Man I felt pain when that happened. Okay. Look. I know some people know, but some people don’t know and bambi he was in Baby Class and…
I felt heartbroken when he had to leave after getting it wrong.
And I’ve already forgotten what the answer was.