And we are back in the very blue studios of Alan Kasujja’s toolshed which is where (and I’m just making a wild presumption here) Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, the Ugandan version is filmed.
This week we continue with the adventures of Diana, the coquettish and coy lawyer from last week who said her ambition was to be nice.
This week she perched on the edge of her chair while Kasujja happened to have a chair under him and the show began.
The soft puppy questions came and went and she molled her eyes and smiled sweetly and swung her legs from the high chair and was so adorable that when she hit 2.5million shillings for saying that “in camera” means in the chambers with a judge and not in a studio, I will not even make a comment about in camera also being on the internet with an American co-ed saying that she loooves turning strangers on oooh baby do you want to see more, just enter your credit card number.
If you don’t get that joke, then your mother raised you right.
Things reached badman status when the question was: Which is in the middle during a lunar eclipse? It seemed kind of obvious then it hit me. Oh shizzle (I am trying to minimise my cursewords, by the way. I hope you have noted the effort I’m making) Oh shizzle. It’s not. It’s kind of tricky. Oh Froff! I don’t friddling know which on is in the fabobling middle!
Just after she used her 50-50 to reduce the options to just “earth” and “mars” it hit me. Duh. The shadow of the earth falls on the moon, of course. The sun can’t be in the middle. Only answer can be moon. Like the one MJ walked on. Eeh hee.
But the 50/50 was gone. And she would so need it for the next question. Alan was beating us very hard and very rapidly with virtual baseball bats of suspense with the next question. Even you don’t know the answer to this and you are an intelligent reader of awesome websites. So how would she?
What is the currency of Madagascar?
I like to Move It Move it. That’s all that my mind said.
This would have been a great time to use the 50-50, but that was gone, gone gone. She would have to ask the audience but banange, if the already demonstrably clever Diana didn’t know, what is the chance that an audience would? Urban Legend is the only one I know that has a clever audience. Well, us and Letterman.
The audience voted. The majority said it was not the dinar, franc or lira but was the Airy. That is not the correct spelling. I’m just so mad at that question that I’m not going to check google for the right way to write it.
Because they were correct, and after Alan and his director unleashed several further blows of suspense upon our poor heads, we finally determined that she was going on with 3,500,000 bob in pocket.
Before we continue, I have to reassert here that she was an adorable person. She seemed very sweet and nice and “nunu”. I mean, I can be skeptical about her claim that if she wins she is going to use the money to buy things for people who need them– I think she might buy someone a shoe, but most of that cash is hers for real– but all in all she just seemed likeable.
So we were rooting for her when she hit this one: If she stops and walks away now, she leaves with five ma. If she gets it wrong she leaves with 3.5. If she gets it right she’s still in the game and on the way to the twenty five mill jackpot. Four questions away, mind you. The question was: How many in a Baker’s Dozen?
She took a swig of the clear colourless liquid the producers supply as refreshments (My bet is that it’s vodka, though some suspect that it is spiked with ecstacy which caused her to flirt and wiggle at Kasujja) and if suspense was a kickboxing champ, then Alan sent a troupe of Golola Moseses into our living rooms to roundhouse and bludgeon us to pulps before finally…
She flunked it. She said 12. But it’s 13. And I was so sad. As were all those people who thought she was really going to use the money to buy them iPods and boxer shorts.
Now, I have a word limit, so I won’t dwell on the next contestant because she’s coming back next week. She is tiny, named Prisca, is a linguist from Lira who speaks with a Kenyan accent and she was right in giving us the full name of Kanye To-The. We shall see more of her on Monday.