Mbu I’m supposed to write about love to aid the couples going to violate each other’s private parts later this evening. Oh is that a tad too honest? But it’s the truth, isn’t it. It’s the only day of the year girls are not supposed to be in their periods. Or have punctuation marks for that matter.
If he tells you let’s go, you don’t say “But (dot dot dot) am not sure if (comma) wait a bit (exclamation)”. You just walk as smothly as this sentense to his bedroom without backspacing even if you know theyre are alot of gramaticle and speling eras.
Now I must warn you. I don’t know jack about love (clearly). But the rest of the Legends have rallied outside my toilet shouting “Write for us or stay in there and pupu all your life!”
I might be hardcore but I don’t do well with pupu threats. So I’ll write.
Remember when I said up there that I didn’t know jack about love? Well, it turns out I might actually know a guy called Jack, but I still know nothing about love. So I used the toilet window to escape and found love in Egypt watching Titanic. I asked him for an interview.
Yo love, warrup?
Sshh! Jack is saying something to Rose
Huh. So that’s the Jack guy I tho…
Sssshhhh! What’s wrong with you? Who the hell are you anyway? I don’t think I like you
Ouch. That hurt
Yeah well, love hurts. Get used
So love, I have a few ques…
I’m from ULK
What do you want to know?
How would you define yourself?
I am a businessman; basically what you’d strictly refer to as a broker…
Blocker. In Kampala we call them blokers
Whatever. Men come to me for sex and women come for cars and money
You realize that kills the purpose of your existence
I just gave you the purpose of my existence…and what’s with the blinking? You blink a lot. It’s starting to freak me out
Yeah, I get that a lot. So you exist strictly for material gain?
For sex, cars and money. There’s a big difference
There are kids reading this, man
Oh. You didn’t tell me we were airing live. I didn’t even wear makeup. Kids, love is good, love is awesome, love your neighbours as you…
That will do. So let’s talk about Cupid. Is he like your god?
Cupid? The guy who shoots arrows through people’s chests? You call that love?
So stabbing someone means you love them
That’s not…anyway, thanks for the interview. It’s your birthday so I brought you something. You’ll open it later
Aaaawww! That’s lovely! I love you, man
Where are you going?
To get my knife
Happy Valentine’s, y’all. Here’s an arrow. Go stab someone.