The show that makes millionaires out of ordinary Ugandans like you, me and TV show host/ Radio star Alan Kasujja (one “L” two “J”s) was on Monday night and it was as exciting as that one time when Mike Tyson and Buster Douglas had to answer a set of trivia general knowledge questions for a quiz contest.
This week we had two contestants, the first being a young man from Ntinda who, it was revealed, was a poet. The poet’s name was Axel. Not Alex, but Axel. As in Axel Foley.
I don’t know how many of you know what an Axel Foley is, so I’ll help you out.
Axel was confident, that’s what I liked about him. He went through the easy questions with a smirk on his face. He tried to conceal it by putting his hands in front of his mouth in a tent formation, the way people do when they are thinking hard, but we could see that the only thing he was thinking of was, “Man, if only all money in Uganda was this easy. I feel like an MP in this chair!”
They asked him baby questions. Nti that I hear,
- Which of these is an Olympic sport: Hugging, Chanting, Texting or Swimming?
- Which of these is a type of wireless communication: Blacktooth, Whitetooth, Redtooth or Bluetooth?
- What does the P.O. in a mailing address stand for: Past Offences? Penis Odour, Practicing Onanism, Post Office.
He sailed on, convincing us that he was a reasonably clever chap, until Alan Double J decided to stop fooling around and lob him a current affairs question concerning the ongoing issues of our nation. “Who is Mazzi Mawanvu?” he was asked.
Only to see the boy from Ntinda collapse. He had to wait for the audience to tell him. I hope when he goes back to Ntinda he is disciplined for embarrassing all of you like this.
Having survived that one, he decided to flex his muscles, because Alan K was also flexing his, throwing there tough questions.
What are Autobots and Decepticons? The answer to this question is only known by deep, highly literate and very well-learned chaps. It’s not Transmitters or Traders.
Then they asked him. Where are the genes of a cell stored? Nucleus? Mitocondria? Lysomisimanyibikozebitya? Goldy Body? Man. Even my big mouth had to shut up at that point. Mitocondria even sounds like a country where they wear Sombreros.
After he got it right (I’m not going to tell you what the answer was) he and JJ exchanged the following bit of telling banter.
Kasujja, a former Ngo boy, on Budonians, of whom Axel is one: “We didn’t think much of you at that time.”
Axel, representing Budo as well as he represented Ntinda on the Mazzi Mawanvu question: “Neither did we.”
Well, for what it’s worth, he did earn sh3,500,000 to go home with, having flunked out for not knowing what a scarab was, but that’s not a bad thing. I mean, he’s still a winner. Take a good look. You are never going to see a poet with that much money ever again.
Up next we had Shariff from Jinja and I decided to take a potty break during the easy questions. I came back when they were asking him what the rate of VAT in Uganda was. This must have been a warning shot. Some people don’t know what it is. Such as broke nigz who never have anything to buy. But when they asked which is a type of drink, coffee, toffee, shuffle and kerfluffle, I realized I left the toilet too early.
Shariff, the father of five Jinja youths, went back home with sh500,000 only even after Alan virtually begged him to reconsider his answer after he was asked what temperature in degrees Fahrenheit water boils at. He said 100 degrees. And Big Al showed him the door.
The questions got a bit harder this time; it wasn’t all easy money. If you know Axel and he owes you money, you have heard it here.