We Went Back 2 School

By • Jan 27th, 2011 • Category: WTH

There was a Back-2-School party on Tuesday at Zone 7, a hot-spot where Ugandans go to give away a portion of their earnings. For one to be allowed entry into this party, one had to be clad in an article or two of a school uniform. Read “Ugandans were given a license to dress wild.” And then they went and did just that…

Enter Sleek. I sauntered to the entrance clad in a white long-sleeved shirt and a fancy tie. I was promptly sent packing. I protested (raising voice) “But this is school uniform you man!” But the security guy had already moved onto slowly frisking the busty girl in a tiny dress.

{Ivan here. What, y’all thought I was going to fade into the background like Straka in a giant bag of skittles… problem is, with the way this has been done, I have been relegated to hiding in curly brackets. It’s not gay at all, but I’d like to come out of these things. Anyway, I’d made a big deal out of finding a uniform only to get one at the eleventh hour with such ease. Bore. So anyway, wearing my Jovins High School garb, I made my way to the Zone. I also happened to be wearing jeans…man, this was a lot like when I was back in school. So, totting my school uniform I made my way to that place where a man is paid to fill/feel people up. Lo and behold, who do I see? Why it’s my buddy Sleek! Dressed in school uniform and all that banter. Man, this guy came prepared. I look at my jeans and think to myself, ‘self, this guy gon’ make you look bad’… then he gets bounced…}

Change tact…I put my elementary jujitsu training to use; time to scout the perimeter wall and find a place to do a gigantic leap into the venue. None. Dang! Change tact again…run straight into the beefy security guy and knock him down and continue straight to the bar. Beefy security guy looked up, finally done with the heavy frisking of the now giggly busty girl. Dang! Change tact yet again…I called up Spurrzo, the kind of guy who’ll somehow happen to have a power drill in his pocket because, in his words, “You never know when you’ll need it.” He showed up promptly with a school uniform in hand. Hi5 Spurrzo!

Small issue: The shirt Spurrzo brought belonged to a primary school pupil. And it had ‘Library Prefect’ on it. It was either the shirt or I’d have to try to convince one of my girl buddies to go get frisked while I sneak in behind her. Small shirt it was. Breathing immediately became harder. If I smiled too much, the shirt would have given way. So it was a no-jokes night for me.

{If this is the same girl I saw, I don’t think the heavy breathing was because of the size of the shirt. It might have been something else. Meanwhile, as Sleek was trying to sneak in, I ran into a schoolboy with a schoolgirl. Its of note because dude was so freakin nerdy and she was like, you know, the popular chic in school. It was pretty obvious that something had to be done; dude was going to have to get this girl heavily inebriated if she was going to let him take her to the naughty corner.

Oh, then there was dude in a t-shirt. It fit like a glove. Which is a bit of a stretch seeing as the t-shirt bore the names of a school. A nursery school. Why are guys making uniforms in this size? The ‘matures’ don’t start infiltrating our schools until like P4 or P5.

This is all too much, where’s Sleek. Oh, there, with what appears to be a member of the female persuasion. I wonder what’s going on back there…}

Speaking to girl in fitting school dress with badge in the bosom region: That uniform, it is for which school?

GirlinFittingDressWithBadgeInBosomRegion: (says something)

Sleek: Can I touch your badge? Just to confirm its authenticity

GIFDWBIBR: (smiles, says something, leans in for authenticity test)

Sleek: (now shy, gets a ‘phone call’) Oh, it’s my maid. I think I didn’t leave food for the poodle. brb

GIFDWBIBR: lol, eh eh you!

The dress-code brought out the crazy, the creative and the naughty. Many girls had these cute little dresses on which they’d stapled badges. Many guys had school shorts on.  Some wore skirts. And the ones that took the day, the two guys who came clad in the yellow Makerere College pinafores.

{Nsaba Burrito will heckle and haw over gay people and he won’t do jack about transsexuals? I wonder what the deal is here. The first back to school had chaps in skirts, er.Okay, borderline bearable. I mean, the Scottish guys do their kilts and we have made our peace with that. Now we have dudes in Full on dresses. I mean. If the infamous yellow flowers of MACOS didn’t feel bad enough, this will have them standing in the rain and hoping the color and their iniquities will be washed away.

Y’all have seen the anti-cross gen ads that are all over the place, right? Would you let this man sleep with your daughter and all that banter? That is not going to work as well as seeing a grown ass man wearing your daughters uniform. Worst case scenario it works as a visual contraceptive, so you know the Family Planning group’s gonna eat that up. But man! I am scarred.}

Navio (in school uniform) made an appearance, dropped some rhymes, talked about his Nawuliranga concert. It is this weekend. Now Navio, my work is done. As agreed, please send me the number of that girl who was in the Raw video. Not the raw video, the video of your Raw song. You remember we discussed this. Do not fox.

Ivan came in also…over to you Ivan..

Truth be told, there was no way Back 2 School was going to bomb. Well, there was, but it is way too soon to be making that joke. Zone 7 said they’d penalize people for not wearing uniform and they did. Which is kinda in keeping with school. I remember the powers that were, making it really hard for the rebellious kids to attend classes without uniform. If you really wanted to be hardcore, you wouldn’t tuck in your shirt!

The rules were a little lax though, coz there were vixens who were not wearing uniforms all over the place. Come on, there’s no way ALL of them paid that 20k. I know YOU! Then again, that’s so school, isn’t it. I remember seeing chics out of uniform seasonally back in SMACK. I think they were ‘student teachers’. Wait, I’ve been informed that the ones at Zone 7 had a good reason. I was slightly inebriated, so I could be wrong. It was one of these;

  • We are layers
  • We have come to get laid
  • We are in layer {not likely, coz that is not even a word}

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