Ugandans To See Things Differently in 2011

By • Jan 18th, 2011 • Category: In The News, Politics, Society

The Uganda Police were only too eager to show off their latest acquisition. No, it wasn’t, as you would think, another set of Night Pyjama turned Police Uniforms. Nor was it a top-of-the-range-Ezra-grabber.

“We woke up in the morning to see vehicles with teargas and water cannons. It was like watching action film of Bruce Willis”, offered a resident who was too freaked out to provide a name.

Reports have the number of vehicles at a little over 50.

“As you may have heard, we have brought in 50 and a half assorted automobiles to make sure that the election violence goes smoothly.  There ain’t no Wolokoso in this piece,” said Mega Duplex, a local artiste who moonlights as a Traffic Officer and a breathalyser. Yes, you read that right, he IS a breathalyser.

When pressed to offer clarification on the ‘half’ in his statement, the officer of na-law cocked his head towards his motorbike with the words “Paw=Paw” inscribed on the side.

As expected, there has been outrage across the city, with sections of the public echoing the same sentiment, “AGAIN?”

The president of Uganda, it has been alleged, promised his people that he was done with using teargas to quell riots. True to his word, during the just concluded mudslides, he carried a gun (some have suggested it was an AK47) instead of a can of pepperspray.

Understandably, the members of the opposition have taken advantage of the opportunity to highlight the government’s shortcomings.

“People have cried long enough, what they need is leadership. I am that leadership” –DP’s Nobert Mao.

“This is a cleverly orchestrated move to make us turn a blind eye to the corruption and inadequacy of the Electoral Commission.” _ UPC’s Olara Otunnu

“Have you seen my giraffe?” _ Beti Kamya.

The Public Relations Officer, Uganda Police, has said that the public is making much ado out of nothing.

“Ugandans should not be alarmed. We hear them saying mbu there will be  violence, riots… Amarula Family, but they need to rest assured that we can not let the situation become that bad.”

Regarding the freshly purchased Tear Gas cylinders, he had this to say in defence of the force, “relax. We expect these elections to go smoothly, so the tear gas you see was brought in for celebratory purposes. We intend to show the world we are democratic and this shall be evident from the voters’ tears of joy.”

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers

  • savvykenya

    Tears of joy, ha!