Monday Massacres: Charlize bares all

By • Jan 3rd, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

Sometime last year, October actually, I was in S.Africa. And the creative juices were dulled by Klankla, a local intoxicant I was force-fed. This is something from back then that somehow didn’t get published. It is brought to you by Urbane Entertainment. Happy new year.


I am currently in South Africa. Yes, Madiba’s land. I can almost see him saying “This is my turf man!!”  I am here for a short trip. So short, I won’t get time to climb the Eiffel tower. Oh wait, that’s in England.  So I take time off to have a chat with Charlize Theron. How did I get in touch with her? I am a man of means. If you ever had ANY doubts at all, kick them out now. Nod your head and say, “Sleek is a man of means.” Say it twice, just to make sure. So, Charlize and I, chatting. (I solemnly swear, nothing else happened between us. I know you  probably don’t believe me, but seriously, NOTHING else, just chatting). I am a sneaky bastard so while we talked, I scribbled away under the table. That sentence tells you A LOT. To illustrate:

The sentence: “I am a sneaky bastard so while we talked, I scribbled away under the table.”

This tells you:

1.       I am a sneaky person, so among other things, if I ever get close enough while P.Diddy is on stage singing I’ll snatch his wig off

2.       While Charlize and I talked, to save us the temptation of our hands being all-over each other, I scribbled under the table. This kept my hands busy

3.       What statement 2 suggests is that while my hands were busy, Charlize’s hands were…I am not saying that she touched me inappropriately. I am not saying that she didn’t.

So yes, we talked. I am a very nice person so I’ll give you some details:

Sleek: So, tell me about yourself

Char: I am Theron, as you already know…(giggle giggle). And  {she tells me about herself}

Charlize Theron

Sleek: What do you like doing?

Char: It depends…sometimes {she tells me what she likes doing}

Sleek: So, how far are you taking this music things of yours?

Char: Sorry?

Sleek: Oh crap, sorry about that. Musta been thinking about Grace Nakimera.

Char: Nakim…(trails off, uncertain)

Sleek: Never mind, I doubt you know her. Meant to ask, so how far are you taking this movie thing of yours? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Char: In 5 years, I see myself {she tells me}

Sleek: So, lastly, where do you see us in 10 minutes?

Char: {Also that she tells me}

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • Princess

    The Eiffel tower is in England…?

    • Sleek

      It is not? Say swear….

  • Kilash

    Eiffel tower is in Paris

    • Sleek

      Thanks Kilash. I owe you