DJ BK And The Masque Of Funk II

By • Dec 3rd, 2010 • Category: WTH

*Yawn. I am awake. Now.

The arrival

Yes, it was awesome. This is Sanyu. Come on. I arrived at 8.47.53. No, it was 8.47.54 actually. I think. I’ll have to confirm and get back to you. Needless to say…well, I won’t say it.

ULK were guests. That means I had my posh invitation card stashed safely in the back pocket. I liked the way I was received. Either that chic in red had a thing for me or she just liked me for my posh invitation card. Anyone know her? She’s called Pilsener. At least that’s what the tag on her shirt said.

She called me sir every ten seconds and offered a free beer and coupon that entitled me to a free soda, free food and another free beer. Then asked if I was okay, sir have a great time, sir.

The great time, sir

DJ Pita was spinning the discs, we were all happy until DJ Phoenix stepped in. Who the deuces is she? When she started playing, the sound system wanted out coz we got a few sporadic spells of silence. The microphones either wanted to go and sleep or they just wanted her off stage.

The stage performances

Some all girl group came first. They kept showing us the things they kept under their dresses. I think they were also singing.

Mighty Sun was next. He should have known better than to call Atlas on stage. Atlas stole his show. Just like he has stolen his paragraph. Atlas was cool. Except we hadn’t come to study geography. We wanted girls.

Enter Lillian of Blu*3. The crowd loved this one. I did too. Except for that part where she called her lover her chloroquine. Lillian, get a stick from that broom and come tell me who told you to write such silly things.

Michael Ross. He removed his shirt. And girls screamed. He had the best performance.

Then there was some guy who was booed right from the start. He knew it. And he ran off stage to call his mum.

Then Jackie, also of Blu*3. At this point my height had started to kick in. So everything that kept people yawning just sounded cool. Even Tonix.

Some guy dance group came on stage but we wanted DJ BK.

Crystal

Newman

If I had enough space, I would have given each letter its own paragraph. When she came on stage, we didn’t want BK anymore. We wanted Crystal to stay. “Sanyu FM unveils Crystal,” my mind read. I guess she gets her sexiness from…my phone buzzed.

IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRYSTAL NEWMAN SPEECH! What phone does that?

It was Baz. And Sleek. They had arrived.

Duty called somewhere else so I had to leave. They took over.

The parking lot

You &)%^$%*@?# askari “:?>^&#)@! and driver who left his !@#%*) car parked in front of our car. You sick son of a *^^&*%# I hope you !&(*@#&^@ you &*#&^*(!)

We couldn’t get out coz there were two cars blocking ours. We cursed and promised to spill blood. The first car was owned by girls so the laws of procreation dictated that we smile at them instead.

Then we cursed more and promised to spill more blood. The second car was owned by a muscled dude. The laws of survival dictated that we smile and thank him for coming to our rescue. We drove out fast and cursed him from outside the parking lot.

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