Now That Exams Are Done?

By • Nov 10th, 2010 • Category: Features

The Primary Leaving Examinations season is over. Loosely translated, it means those little things are back from school. Prepare to die! Mwahahahahaha! Anyway, we kidnapped one of them using balaafu for an interview. Please welcome our P.7 student from Very Bright Day and Boarding Primary School, Miss Olivia Kanyike.

Welcome to ULK, madam.

Where is my balaafu?

Miss Kanyike, the current political atmosphere is filled with lots of campaigning with major players ridiculing each other instead of concentrating on the real issues affecting this country. One of them just keeps shouting “Kayihura!” on NTV. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Uncle, give me that ka telephone.

Very enlightening, indeed. What do you think of the general public assumption that Straka is, in fact, an alien transformer sent from Jupiter by the Gualamegaloqaxuan Lords of the Galaxy and Martin Lawrence from Big Momma’s House to establish evil dominion over the world and all its TVs?

For me my mummy has a big telephone that she has put on the wall. Even when it rings you can hear it from outside. Outside on the wall of the verandah we even have a ka bell which you can press when you want to come in.

Good good. Now to the real issues critical to the continued existence of mankind. Megan Fox and Megan Good. Who’s hotter?

My sister is called Megan. When my daddy comes back he’s going to take us to the zoo. There is a very big snake like this at the zoo. Even I wanted to run away.

How about Lady Bizzo and Alex Ndawula?

At which point our interviewer is corrected that no, Ndawula is actually a man.

And that the girl he is interviewing is not the kidnapped P.7 girl but a much much younger kindergarten girl who is taking refuge in our offices after being chased by Mr. Bazanye’s boys, Chandler and Fraiser. They wanted to beat her up for something we still haven’t established.

Who the fuck are you?

Where is my balaafu?

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