Hello? Who Is It?

By • Oct 28th, 2010 • Category: WTH

What follows is the transcript of a phone call recently intercepted by the police, Interpol and various security agencies.

  • Leelo, yootea ello etuusizza. Endobo!
  • Hello? Baz all up in your chochlea. Speak to the boy.
  • Baz?
  • That’s what I just said. Who dis?
  • Baz.
  • Yes, yes, this is Ernest Bazanye Sempebwa III. Please identify yourself and state the purpose of your call. Do not just keep saying my name. I know this isn’t a call from Destiny’s Child.
  • Baz, that wasn’t funny.
  • Anti I don’t even know who is calling. I don’t know whether or not you deserve funny. You might be that guy from that show on UBC. If you are I swear I’m going to reach through the phone and strangle you. How dare you speak ever? Your fake accent you use on your show is so bad you sound like Borat doing a bad impression of Ofwono Opondo in a Swedish language. What’s your ca…
  • Baz, It’s not Calvin Da Entertainer. It’s me, Mickey.
  • Mickey who?
  • You know. Who else.
  • Do you know how many people are called Mike in my phonebook? Let alone in my circle of acquaintances?
  • I don’t know if this is a secure line. They might be listening in.
  • Oh shit. There is only one Mike I know who would be worried about phone taps. Dude, is that you?
  • Man, bikaaye.
  • First of all, fuck you! Why are you calling me? You are going to get me in trouble as well. Hello, any security agencies tapping this call. I am not an accomplice of this fellow. I barely know him. He’s just the friend of a friend of a friend of mine. Not even a friend. Some asshole who I bumped into at a house party.
  • Baz, I need your help.
  • You need help, not mine.
  • Come on man. After all I’ve done for you?
  • You have never done anything for me. I barely know you. We met that one time at that house party and, if I remember correctly, I could barely stand you.
  • You said I was the brother you never had.
  • That was after I became very drunk off Absolut. It’s not admissible. Testimony extracted under influence.
  • You said if I ever need anything.
  • That was the tequila that followed the Abso. Also inadmissible.
  • Man, I’m really in a bind. I don’t have anyone to turn to.
  • Nope. No one at all. Not even me.
  • I swear, people are mean! You know who bought all that vodka you were drinking? Me! I paid for it.
  • Okay. I’ll pay it back. I’ll leave the cash at Central Police Station. You can pick it up. Heh heh heh.
  • Baz, you are a bastard. I swear. Sniff.
  • Dude.
  • I… I can’t… I can’t believe….
  • Dude. Are you…
  • Everyone is turning against me. All my friends, my family, all the people I thought I could trust…
  • Dude, are you crying? Dude!
  • It’s just that I have never felt so alone before. Baz, you have no idea what it’s like.
  • To be a fugitive on the run from creditors and the cops? No, I really don’t. Me I pay my debts on time. I don’t know what it’s like to be a whiny crybaby either.
  • I just need someone to talk to…
  • Call Jimmy Jones 75 oba? Me I’m hanging up. You crying is gaying up my phone.
  • Wait wait. Just one more thing.
  • Five seconds.
  • You, can you lend me like a ka-bit of cash kko….
  • Click..

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • http://tipsyalcophobic.wordpress.com Lady Sinister

    Heh. “Gaying up my phone”. hehehehe.

  • lanzi

    Poor Mikaili!