Ladies, does it break your heart to know that another girl is enjoying your man’s hate? That he gives you his stupid love and the hate you actually want is given to his ex? Do you envy her? Do you wonder how she managed to win his hate?
Well, ULK has decided to provide you with a complete manual on how to make your man hate and even slap you back into singleness. It’s very effective, by the way. Rihanna bought the first copy. Girls, presenting 10 easy ways to provoke your man.
1. The invitation:
So he has asked you to come hang with him at Cayenne. Call up all your friends immediately and tell them there are free chips, chicken and champagne at Cayenne. Instruct them not to eat or drink anything. Your boyfriend is very rich and he’ll take care of everything. No, he doesn’t have a job yet but he has money. It is generally accepted that the boyfriend species has money. Stop over asking funny questions.
2. The preparation:
So you told him you’d be there in 30 minutes. But you know that if you keep time in Uganda, you’re either from outside countries or you’re biologically impaired. And for you you’re normal. Take as much time as you don’t need getting ready. Tell your friends to come and prepare from your place. Then all of you should wait in line for the same bathroom. That way, you’ll take more time. Carry out elections for which clothes each of you should wear. And you know election results take time to come out.
3. The journey:
So you’re five chics all looking very hot. Hot chics don’t take bodas. Hell no! And the cab guys around your area are local. Call one from the City Square to come for you all the way in Kisaasi. It doesn’t matter that none of you can afford it. There’s a boyfriend at Cayenne.
4. The arrival:
So you’re now outside Cayenne and the cab guy wants his money. Call boyfriend. “Hey babe, I’m outside but I’ve come with a few friends if that’s okay. We need some transport to pay the cab guy.”
5. The ordering:
So you’re now seated. Two things are important at this point. One, you’re not having the cheap drinks you usually have at home. You’re out. Two, you’re not paying anything. You are with boyfriend. No Tuskers, no Smirnoffs and no Clubs. Those are cheap. Start with tequilas only. All of you. Order for something to eat too. Something expensive.
6. The hanging:
So you’re satisfied and have enough tequilas and beers to keep your friends going for some time. Boyfriend’s part is done. Start scouring the area for hotter guys. Remember, you look hot. You can’t waste your hotness on boyfriend. Eew! Go talk to that muscled guy seated next to the bar. Your friends can keep boyfriend company. What else does he want?
7. The other guy:
So he’s good company. But he doesn’t buy you drinks. The poor dude probably has no job and can’t afford much. Go ask boyfriend to buy you another drink. An expensive one. Take it to the poor dude.
8. The dancing:
So the poor dude probably has no one to dance with. His stupid girlfriend is probably out there hanging with someone else. Dance with the poor dude. Hold him tightly coz he looks like he needs to be loved.
9. The departure:
So it’s time to leave for home. The poor dude is probably going back alone. Take him somewhere behind the bar and kiss him passionately. His stupid girlfriend is probably out there kissing some other strange bastard. After you’re done, go back to boyfriend and ask him for some transport money for you and your friends. No, you can’t sleep at his place coz the beers have left you with a terrible headache.
10. The last straw:
“What do you mean I didn’t spend time with you? You looked like you didn’t want me around. I spent time with another guy and you didn’t try to call me back. Do you even care? I kissed him and you didn’t even stop me. It’s like you don’t love me anymore. You know what? Just give me transport for me and my friends and I’ll leave you alone!”