UL has received fresh reports that lawyers are not sure whether Dr. Kizza Besigye’s treason trial has actually been dismissed or something due to inadmissible English. The five judges agreed to kick the case out of court because of failure to understand the kind of grammar they were using. Judges Byamugisha, Engwau, Twinomujuni, Mpagi and Nshimye could not readily understand the words that came out of their own mouths and simply stared at each other before walking out of the courtroom.
A witness told us that the only words everyone in the court could readily understand were “case dismissed” after which the judges opened a tirade of inexplicable utterances disguised as English. Said one of the judges: “Case dismissed. We say no to such flaglant, egregious and malafide disbombobulations amajugulated against Dr. Besigye by ludibrious nomothetes exuding zabernism.”
By the end of his speech half the courtroom was empty and the remaining spectators were not sure if the case had actually been dismissed. Five minutes later, Besigye’s lawyer asked the judges to resign and threatened to sue them on two charges of abuse of the English language and unlawful disorganization of the alphabet.
“We can’t have such grammatical pornography displayed in our noble courtrooms. Even them the judges they also just walked out because they couldn’t understand themselves. Now I don’t even know what to do with my client’s case,” complained the lawyer. “How can you get letters and disrespectfully throw them around like that? They have feelings too.” Besigye was dragged to Luzira prison as the prison guards await a translator.