How To Play Golf In 12 Easy Steps

By • Oct 10th, 2010 • Category: How To: The Step-By-Step Guide

Gwe! Where is my ball?

1: Golf is a popular game that was invented in Scotland in 1652 by a Scotsman named McDougle and has since gained popularity all over the world, to the extent that in the World Bank Report on Indicators of Economic Success in Developed Countries it was cited as one of the leading reasons why the World Bank Report on Indicators of Economic Success in Developed Countries was filed late. Before we get off the topic, the name McDougle sounds like a euphemism for a form of bowel distemper.

2: It is more important to know the geography of Golf than its history. You see, golf is not a small game. The venue of a golf game is not called a court or a pitch. You play it over many square kilometers of land, so it’s called a sub-county.

3: Just kidding. It’s called a golf course. Golf course, of course.

4: I know that was an atrocious joke, but if I didn’t release it, the pressure would have built up and I would have developed bowel distemper.

5: Back to golf. The object of the game is to hit a little white testicle into a hole in the ground. You have a bag full of large heavy sticks with knobs at the end. You pick one of these and whack at the testicle again and again until you get it into a hole.

Now you don't need to buy this book. It even has a typo. Mssscheeew!

6: And yet this game is popular with men.

7: You need to know if you are qualified before you attempt to play golf in the first place. So visit your nearest ATM.

8: Check your balance. Are you rich? If not, take your broke ass to kikuubo and learn some confidence tricks because low and middle-income earners do not play golf. You losers play pool.

9: Reinvest the revenues you have got from selling fake ipods and sewing Louis Vuitton labels onto Red Cross clothing donations that were diverted while on the way to refugee camps and enter the business of trafficking drugs to American citizens resident in Uganda.

10: Americans are the only nationality in the world on record for buying crack cocaine.

11: Now that you are rich, buy some really awful trousers. Kato Lubwama can help you here. He knows a guy.

12: Then go to a golf club and whack some balls.

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